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commented Louella. But I ve never seen him this bad.
Can you untie him, at least? I know he d hate being restrained.
I suppose so. He hasn t moved in a couple of hours.
The aching in Rob s chest made it hard for him to breathe. He blinked away the tears
pricking at the corners of his eyes and put his hand on Kyle s bound one. Kyle, he
murmured. Kyle, it s me. Rob. I m here. I m sorry for what I said, Kyle. I really didn t mean
it. I was just afraid.
Kyle s lips twitched, but he did not wake.
Rob stroked Kyle s arm, marvelling at the smoothness of his skin. When he looked at
the boy, he was overwhelmed with pity, sorrow, regret, affection, and yes, desire. Under
his own confused emotions, he sensed a current of feeling that seemed to flow from Kyle
the darkest loneliness, the deepest fear, such utter hopelessness that he could hardly bear it.
Kyle, baby, he whispered. Don t worry. I m here.
He can t hear you, sergeant. He s gone. He ll be out for five, six hours at least.
Rob seated himself in the chair beside the bed, never letting go of Kyle s hand. That s
okay, he told the attendant. I ll wait.
NECESSARY MADNESS Lisabet Sarai
44
Chapter Nine
Kyle s mouth was so dry he couldn t swallow. His ears rang. Ants crawled under his
skin, creating an internal itch impossible to relieve. He recognised the side effects of
Thorazine. Must have been a heavy dose. He groped through a fog, straining for
consciousness. Anything was better than the smothering lethargy the drug produced.
He risked opening his eyes. A yellow halo surrounded the fluorescent tubes in the
ceiling. The brightness made him squint. It was all familiar.
He didn t remember checking himself in. He didn t remember anything, really, after
leaving Rob s apartment. His chest ached at that memory. He d been so naïve, imagining that
Rob might be different. That he might actually care.
Despair closed in around him. I wish I d never woken up, Kyle mused. I wish this was all
over. He closed his eyes again, willing the blackness to swallow him, but his mind remained
stubbornly aware.
Kyle? Can you hear me? That voice, soft but strong. What was he doing here?
Kyle turned his head, fighting the drug-fuelled tightness in his neck muscles. It was déjà
vu. Once again, the sandy-haired cop sat at his bedside, fidgeting with his cap, his face
sombre and worried. A tiny flicker of hope kindled in Kyle s heart. He extinguished it
immediately.
Go away. He rolled to his side, turning his back on the blue-clad figure.
Please, Kyle. Listen to me. I m so sorry. Really, I was so stupid&
Resolute, Kyle closed his ears to Rob s pleas. No one is going to hurt me again. Especially
not you. He thought about razor blades and rat poison. Alcohol was too slow. He d do what
was necessary to escape from the madness, to spare himself and Rob any more pain.
An image of gleaming steel fluttered through his mind. Gradually the scene returned,
the terrible vision that had sent him screaming into blind insanity. Enough of the drug
lingered in his system that he could inspect his recollections impassively. The vivid and
disturbing premonition had been atypical, a waking fit in which he personally experienced
the predicted horrors. The patterns of his madness seemed to be shifting. What did it mean?
NECESSARY MADNESS Lisabet Sarai
45
All at once, he remembered the images he had seen when he first met Rob, the pulse-
pounding blow job, the joy of being on his knees serving the powerful older man. That
dream had come true, at least in spirit. Saliva gathered in his parched mouth as he recalled
the weight of Rob s cock on his tongue, the solid force of the other man s thrusts, the sharp
flavour of his ejaculate.
Rob s hand clasped his shoulder. Kyle s cock stirred, defying the deadening effects of
the medication.
Forgive me, Kyle. Please. Look at me, baby.
It was the endearment that did it, cracked Kyle open and let the pain and desire flow in.
He allowed Rob to roll him onto his back. He gazed up into the cop s sky-blue eyes, tears
gathering in his own.
Rob& he began.
I know. I know. I m an idiot. I tried to push you away. I lied to you. Tell me that you
forgive me. That you ll give me another chance to be with you. To take care of you.
Why? Kyle struggled to raise himself to a sitting position. Rob grabbed the thin
pillow and tried to help. Kyle noticed the straps hanging from the chrome rails. Restraints.
He must have been really crazy. Didn t you want me? We were so good together.
I was afraid. Rob sat back in his chair, staring at his shoes. Afraid of your powers.
Powers? You mean my visions? Kyle had a hard time imagining the tough cop being
afraid of anything.
Rob nodded. I have to tell you the truth, Kyle. About the train. The Holden force
found a kid on the tracks with a badly broken leg.
Just like in my vision. Kyle took a deep breath and let it out slowly. And they saved
him?
Of course. The next train was at midnight. If I hadn t called when you asked me&
But you did call.
Rob half-grinned. I couldn t resist you.
The pressure in Kyle s chest lessened. It didn t happen. I saw it, the disaster, but you
changed the future.
We did. That wasn t the first time, either.
What?
NECESSARY MADNESS Lisabet Sarai
46
When I picked you, just before you blacked out, you whispered an address.
Yeah, I remember. I saw it scrawled on a wall.
I sent a man over, thinking it might be your place. He smelt smoke. There was a fire
starting on the roof. They put it out before it could spread.
Oh my God& That s wonderful! Kyle wanted to jump out of bed and give Rob a hug,
but his limbs weren t quite up to that yet. He settled for squeezing the other man s arm. The
brief touch hardened him further. It s great! Why were you afraid? Seems like between the
two of us, we ve managed what I could never do by myself.
Rob s eyebrows gathered into a frown. It s personal, he said. But I ll tell you, later,
once we get you out of here and back home.
Home. Kyle had never heard so sweet a word.
* * * *
Kyle and Rob sat across from one another in the booth at Eduardo s Cantina. Empty
plates smeared with refried beans and salsa littered the rough wooden table. With one blunt-
fingered hand, Rob crushed fragments of left-over tortilla chips to yellow crumbs. He
wouldn t meet Kyle s eyes. Kyle reached for his nervous hand and brought it to his lips. He
licked the greasy, salty valleys between Rob s fingers. Rob s cheeks flushed red. Kyle s balls
tightened inside his jeans.
Tell me, he ordered. You can trust me, Rob.
Rob s eyes were deep wells of pain. My little sister Mary, he began. She was like
you.
Kyle listened to the story of Mary s trials and her murder. He felt a physical ache as the
other man finally shared his anger and grief. No wonder Rob had panicked. Such a sad,
tortured life the woman had endured, and such a horrible death. Kyle had believed in Rob s
public face, the strong, self-confident, uncomplicated cop. Now, he saw how vulnerable his
lover really was.
Maybe I can help, Kyle offered as Rob concluded his tale. Maybe I can see something
that will give you a clue.
NECESSARY MADNESS Lisabet Sarai
47
But you only see the future, not the past. Rob extricated his hand from Kyle s grasp
and brushed his hair back from his forehead with a sigh. How can you help?
Perhaps whoever killed her will try to kill again. Kyle remembered the blond man
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