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me to know that Eric had never had any of that. All he d had from his family was pain.
There s some really good therapists in town, I told him. You should start seeing
one.
He smiled against my neck. Yeah, I m a fucking mess, huh?
Actually, I think you re about the strongest person I ve ever known. I d probably be in
a padded room by now.
He laughed. You don t give yourself enough credit. Okay, so yeah, I need to go to
therapy. I know that. But how am I gonna pay for it? Even if I d been working for Tamara
long enough to get insurance, which I haven t yet, I don t know if it covers stuff like that.
I thought about it for a minute. There are programs in town that have mental health
services for a reduced price. And I can help you pay for it.
He was getting ready to protest that he couldn t let me do that, but he saw the look in
my eyes and stopped, then smiled.
I love you, Ben.
Love you too, baby.
He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. I closed my eyes and
concentrated on the taste of his mouth and the feel of his skin, and pushed the horrors of his
past firmly to the back of my mind.
Forgotten Song 75
Chapter Thirteen
September came and went, and the weather started to turn cool. October brought an
explosion of color with the changing leaves. Eric loved wandering the tree-lined streets in
the afternoon, and we started taking long walks together, exploring the nooks and crannies
of the town. It got to where he knew the place even better than I did. He finally got me to go
with him sometimes on his runs. I liked it a lot, which surprised me, and pretty soon I was
going with him nearly every time. He had to cut his mileage for me, but he didn t seem to
mind.
Eric started seeing a terrific therapist a few days after he told me about his father. I
went to some of his sessions, and I liked Dr. Spencer. She had a quiet way about her that
made talking to her effortless. Eric was surprised by how easy it was to tell her about the
things that had happened to him. She didn t gasp in horror, or feel sorry for him, or get angry
at his dad like I d done. It was a revelation for him to realize that his past didn t have to
change how people saw him now.
I let my lease drop and moved in with Eric. We had our ups and downs, like anyone
else. It wasn t all sunshine and roses. Eric was still Eric, hot temper and all, even though he
laughed now way more often than he used to. We had our share of disagreements, but I
wouldn t have changed a thing. I d fallen in love with all of him, not just the fun parts, and I
cherished the whole prickly, mule-headed, wonderful package.
Every day brought us a little closer, and I could feel the bond between us deepening.
Eric started getting bolder, slipping his hands inside my pants when we kissed and groping
my backside. The first time he stuck his hand down the front instead and ran his fingertips
up my shaft, I nearly came right then. It didn t go any further than that, but he didn t get
panicky either, so we decided that called for a celebration. We headed down the road to the
classiest bar we knew, got plastered on tequila, and started an impromptu sing-along with
76 Ally Blue
Eric on piano. After the bar closed, we headed home and stayed up all night talking about
the future.
That was a sort of turning point. We both knew it wouldn t be long before we could
take that last step and become lovers. We were both pretty diligent about regular HIV testing
already, and we were both clean, so we decided to toss out the box of condoms. Eric teased
that we should make it a kind of ceremony, to show our commitment to each other.
We ll invite everybody we know. He was perched in the middle of the bed, with one
foot hanging off the edge. It can be an outdoor ceremony. We can get dressed up, and
decorate the dumpster with ribbons and stuff, and have a preacher read an appropriate verse.
You think Janey would play something on her fiddle? Since we ll both be busy.
You re so full of shit. I laughed. No way in hell are we doing that.
Hm. The preacher s a bit much, huh?
Yeah. Especially since neither one of us is what you might call religious.
He pretended to think it over. Okay, no preacher. But I m still slapping satin ribbons
all over the dumpster. And we can both wear white. You wear the dress, since you re the
prettiest.
I sat up from where I d been lying in a beam of sunlight on the floor. He seemed
absolutely serious. If it wasn t for the evil gleam in his eyes, I would ve thought he meant it.
As it was, he didn t fool me for a second. Crawling over to the bed, I grabbed his dangling leg
and pulled. He fell over onto his back.
Hey! What re you doing?
I think you know. Better admit you re not really planning a throwing-away-the-
condoms ceremony, or I ll do it, I swear!
He pushed up on his elbows and gave me a look almost innocent enough to be
convincing. Almost. But I am! He stuck out his lip. You don t believe me.
Damn right I don t. You gonna admit you were yanking my chain?
He stuck his nose in the air and ignored me. I grinned. Okay, you asked for it. I got a
good grip on his ankle and ran my tongue up his instep.
He squirmed and shrieked with laughter. I d discovered his extreme ticklishness purely
by accident a couple of weeks before, and this had quickly become one of our favorite games.
He hardly ever wore shoes inside, and his bare feet were easy and irresistible prey. Especially
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